Hyped Up Beauty Products...Purchase or Pass? Part 2!

Well, here we are again, friends!

This time, we are taking a closer look at cleansing balms.

I first heard about a cleansing balm about a year ago from a friend. It peaked my interest because I had only ever used foaming or soapy cleaners. But this particular cleanser was supposed to remove all of my makeup, all while cleansing my face. What?!

It sort of sounded too good to be true. I mean, I've always had to use an eye makeup remover or makeup remover wipe to get all of my mascara and eyeliner off.

My friend gave it rave reviews, though, so I wanted to try it. The problem was this particular balm was going to cost me all of $72 to purchase! 😳

I was a little taken back that a CLEANSER would cost me so much! Don't get me wrong, I absolutely think that some skincare products are worth that amount, but a cleanser? This is the one product that stays on your skin for the shortest amount of time, no way am I spending that much.

I figured there had to be one out there for a more affordable price. I found this one at Ulta and decided to give it a try.

The one I purchased was the travel size for just $8! I wasn't ready to commit to a full size product yet, because what if I hated it?

Right away I noticed that this balm didn't really have a scent, which was ok with me. I despise anything that has a bad smell or an overpowering scent. The texture felt similarly to coconut oil, which didn't surprise me. I slathered some on my face and began rubbing. Immediately I started to see my makeup melt away!

Yes, a product that really delivered AND at a price I could afford!

It removed all of my makeup,  even that stubborn mascara. All I did was use a warm, wet washcloth and wipe the balm away. Also, I never noticed any blemishes or breakouts arising from using this product.


Although I don't use this daily anymore, I'm happy to report that it's a great product. If you're looking for an inexpensive balm that removes makeup easily, this is a good one.

Honestly,  I prefer a different product for my daily use now, but I'll get into that specific product at a later time.

Hope this was helpful to you!

Do you use a cleansing balm? If so, what's your favorite brand?
Let me know in the comments below!

XO
D

The Silent Pain of Cesarean

Friends, this is a post that has been so difficult to write. For so many reasons, really.

I know that my story isn't really unique, but the pain is so real, even now. So real that tears are streaming down my face as I write it. I also know that my story isn't the worst one out there, but it's still been a difficult road for me, personally. I know that even in all of this, I still have so much to be thankful for.

First and foremost,  let me make known the reason behind sharing this story is that I desperately want to help a mom who feels the same as I do. I want her to know that she is seen and loved and her pain is felt. It's valid. Its heart-wrenching. It's ok to cry about it! It's ok to feel what you're feeling.

And if this isn't you, I hope and pray that this story will change how you view mamas like me. We aren't weak. We aren't wrong. We tried our best. We may not be like you, but saying the thoughtless things you say about "natural birth" hurts us and cuts us more deeply than you can imagine. Yes, we tried that suggestion.  Yes we knew that method. But it didn't work for us. We already deal with feelings of failure on our own, we don't need to be reminded of painful failures.

I so badly want to be seen as strong and capable and confident. It probably stems from being the youngest child in a big family,  I don't know. But sharing the weak parts of my life are hard for me. Very hard.

I don't want to be pitied. I don't want others to think ill of me, or see me as a negative person. But sometimes, in order to truly connect with others these vulnerable parts have to be shown. So that's the goal here. Connecting with the women who have felt or feel like I do. Letting the women that can't relate see how sometimes your stories make us feel ashamed. And we know you don't mean it, but we can't contribute to the "natural birth" conversation in the same way, and it brings shame, pain, and regret for us mamas.

My story starts almost 11 years ago with my first born babe. Man, I was so young. Just 19 and having baby #1. She was a honeymoon baby and at first I was devastated when I found out I was pregnant,  but after awhile, it became the most exciting thing ever. I wanted to be a mom more than anything else. Maybe not get married,  but I did want to be a mom, lol. (Inside joke)

The only birth experiences I had ever known at this point were those of my mom and sisters. My mom had 4 c-sections. Her doctors told her in the 80s that her pelvis was too narrow and she wouldn't be able to have babies vaginally. She always expressed to me that she would've wanted more if this wasn't the case. But, she went ahead and got her tubes tied with me because of the doctors recommendation.

My sister's birth stories varied. One of my sisters had her baby naturally in a birthing center,  but it was a hard labor. She pushed for hours. Two of my other sisters ended up having c-sections due to pre-eclampsia. One of my sisters had both vaginal and c-section births. I didn't know this then, but my grandma (on my mom's side) also had a couple c-sections.

Anyway, I thought I was strong. Strong enough to go without pain meds. Strong enough to push this baby out, no way would I need a cesarean birth. I went to the birthing classes and breastfeeding classes. I did all the things I was told to do.

Then my bp started to rise and my doctor recommended induction. I thought,  "Sure, why not? Let's get this baby out!". So I was induced the next day. Everything was going ok until the contractions were back to back without a rest between. It was all back labor.

I knew I needed something for the pain, so I consented to an epidural. I was dilated to a 5 by that point so I figured it would be smooth sailing from here on out. Well, soon after the epidural,  my body stopped having contractions. An hour later,  nothing.

My doctor recommended c-section. With all of the birth story knowledge I had, I thought, "Well, I must be like my mom." And consented to it. Knowing what I now know, I probably would've said "No."

Anyway, Ruby was born via c-section that afternoon. It wasn't a bad experience,  overall. My mom and sisters were there to help and support me. Ruby came out with a little ring around her head where she was pushed up against my cervix, but it wasn't dilating.

Then, came time for my second birth, with my son.  It was 2 years later and in a different state. I was told I was a good candidate for VBAC, until he felt my pelvis. He said I was "too small". Since they told my mom the same, I didn't question it. My second son was born via c-section in 2011. That was probably my hardest recovery,  but still, I was ok.

5 years later,  I finally got pregnant with my second daughter. This time, I had educated myself. I knew the risks of a third c-section.  I knew the risks of VBA2C. I did my research for a VBAC friendly doctor. I worked out religiously that pregnancy. I ate right. I drank the raspberry tea and ate all the dates. I talked with my friends who were experts in vaginal birthing. I had the mindset of "I AM HAVING a VBAC!"

I FINALLY went into prodormal labor with her, a week late and I was scheduled for an induction the next day, so I went ahead and went in. I was only at a 1 when I arrived. By the next morning I was at a 2 and they started pitocin. Contractions and pain picked up, but I didn't care I was determined. But man, I was so tired. Almost 24 hours had passed, my water broke, and I finally got checked. Expecting to see dilation,  I was only at a 3.

I was crushed.

What had I done wrong? Just last week my midwife said her head was engaged,  now nothing? I've bounced in the ball, I've walked, I've done allllllll the things right.

I finally consented to an epidural because I just wanted to rest and my midwife assured me that when this happened to others she knew, an epidural helped them relax and their cervix dilated.

I had the epidural done and I went into a panic. I for sure thought I was having another c-section...I felt trapped. I was scared.  I wanted to run away and I couldn't move. Finally,  they calmed me down and I was able to rest.

A couple hours later I was checked and nothing.  No dilation. I was ready to give up. My midwife had a heart to heart with me.

"Why are you so against having another c-section?", she asked. "BECAUSE! I WANT MORE BABIES!", I cried. "Having another c-section doesn't mean you can't have more babies", she said. "I've known some women who have eight or nine of them! Some women's cervixes just don't work properly. You are narrow and I think the baby just isn't able to come down."

I can't even explain the hurt, pain, and shame I felt in that moment. And to see my husband standing beside me, tears streaming down his face, too, because he was scared for me, was frightening.

He and I prayed and I felt total peace about the repeat section. I don't remember much about it because I was super drugged up. I could feel pain beforehand, so they gave me more pain meds.

Freya was born that night and she was perfect and beautiful. I was the most exhausted from that birth experience,  but also had the best recovery.

When I found out I was pregnant with my fourth baby, our second son, I was so scared. Worried about what others would think if I tried for a VBAC again and unsure of my ability to birth, I scheduled my fourth c-section. Honestly,  during the whole first trimester, I was out of it. I had a really hard time coming to terms with this pregnancy,  since it wasn't planned. That is hard for me to admit, but it's true.

By the third trimester,  I started to get excited about this new baby, but I still had a lot of fear in my mind and heart. It took giving it to God DAILY for me to be able to function and not be frozen with fear and anxiety. 

I prayed Every. Single. Day. that God would allow me to spontaneously go into labor and have a natural birth, even if that meant staying home to avoid the hospital. I had some early signs of labor, but nothing progressed.

I went in on May 9th and had a beautiful baby boy. As soon as they laid him on my chest, I knew he was meant to be here. But that c-section was hard and long. I kept asking if they were done yet.  My bp dropped and I was given something to raise my bp, probably adrenaline. I was scared and I felt the pain in my abdomen during it.

Relief flooded my heart and mind when they were wheeling me out of the OR with the baby on my chest. He even latched the minute we got into our room! I knew I wasn't totally out of the woods, but I had survived the surgery!

The days passed and I recovered, just as quickly and easily as before. But my doctor told me something scary this time.

First,  she started with a question, "Are you planning on having more babies?". "I don't know", I replied. "This may be my last one." "Good", she said. "It took us awhile in the OR because it was hard to put your uterus back together. Imagine sewing together tissue paper." 😳

I was shocked when she said that. Shocked, scared, worried. "Will I be ok?" "You should be fine if you don't have anymore, but stretching it again with a pregnancy would be very risky."

When she said that, I felt upset and defeated. Someone just told me that I shouldn't have any more babies. Ever. That it was too risky. That my body couldn't do it. I felt like my body failed me. My doctors failed me. My mind failed me. I failed.

That baby of mine is turning two in a few months and I feel SO blessed to be able to be here with him and my other three children,  but sometimes, my heart still aches.

It aches because I know that I would want more children. My husband would want more children. We love babies and cherish our kids more than anything else! When we got married, we agreed that we would have TEN kids, haha!

And here I am,  feeling like I have a body and mind that failed me. Could I have more kids without risking my life? I don't know. Is it a risk I'm willing to take? I don't know.

But do I want more? Yes! And it hurts to think that that door may be closed to me forever. If it were up to me, I would stay barefoot and pregnant for a few more years, at least. It's ok if you don't get that, but that's what I would love. Babies are precious and a gift and I LOVED the time I was able to nurse them and rock them to sleep.

And if you're a mama that feels like I do, it's ok to feel that way! You're not alone. I hear you and I see you. I want you to know that YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. 

Even though I felt like my body failed,  my doctors failed, everything failed, my birth stories are not stories of failure. They are stories of triumph. My babies were born safely and that was the goal. They were brought into this world and God sustained us the whole way. God is the hero of this story.

He may not have answered my prayers like I wanted, but He kept me and each baby safe until delivery. His grace gave me strength to recover. His mercy was shown to me time and time again. And now I can count myself blessed to have had to fully rely on His strength in those weak moments.

I still rely on His strength now, to give me comfort in the times when I feel hurt by listening to others talk about their stories because mine was so different. I rely on His strength for understanding when I want to question "why me?". I rely on Him to ease the silent pain that I feel in these quiet moments of longing for more children.

Now the big question: Will I ever have more babies? I don't know. Clearly, its complicated. But what I do know is IF we do choose to have more, I know that no matter what anyone else thinks, God will get us through it. Even if I it defies human logic, He will sustain us through every storm. That, I know for sure.

XO
D

The ONE Product that Saved & Regrew my hair!

I know that was a super dramatic title to this blog post, but FOR REAL....I think we can all agree that sudden changes in our hair can be alarming. It feels like my hair is one of those things that makes me....ME!

And the change that I had was dramatic. One day when I looked into the mirror, I noticed a random BALD SPOT right up front on one side! It shocked me because I have never lost any substantial amount of hair before- not even post partum!  This just so happened to be a few months after my baby turned a year old, so I knew it couldn't be that, either.

I did my best to cover up the spot and thankfully, it wasn't really that noticeable. Even though this sudden change was undesireable, to say the least, I mostly just wanted to get down to the bottom of WHY my hair was falling out. I mean, what if it KEPT falling out?!  My hair-dresser friend even took a look at it for me and she couldn't really come up with a "why". When I really stopped to think about it, I came to two possible conclusions: My thyroid & My hormones.

Coincidentally, I had just gone through a period where I was very depressed for about 3 weeks. I mean really depressed. Without going into much detail, it was one of the lowest times for me, personally, and my emotions pretty much went through the ringer. My anxiety was up, I was having weird, emotional outbursts and I knew something was wrong. When I really started to realize that I was very depressed, I reached out for help, I prayed and I honestly just decided that I was going to get my act together and not let these circumstances get me down.

It was a few weeks after this depressed time that I noticed the bald spot. I really think that being so emtoionally drained made my hormones take a dive, which may have affected my thyroid, but most definitely affected my hair loss. I think whatever hair wasn't healthy and barely hanging on from the post partum hormones just said, "See ya!" when the depression took over.

Now, I have to tell you that I was so embarrassed about this, I really didn't take any "before" pictures. So you may not see the full effect, but I do have pictures of the hair growing back.

So, that's the backstory of WHY I needed this product.

When I felt that the naked patch of hair on my head had taken up residence long enough, I began researching shampoos for hair regrowth. I looked at a TON. And let me tell you, there are a lot that make that claim. Their prices range anywhere from $10-$40. Being the frugal girl that I try to be (my husband may disagree with you), I wanted to go with one that wasn't expensive.

I came across this shampoo on the Target website and started reading about it. It didn't actually mention hair-regrowth, but after doing the research that I did, I knew the ingredients listed sounded very promising. This particular shampoo is meant to heal severely damaged hair. Never thinking my hair was severely damaged before, I always steered clear of these types of shampoos, thinking they would weigh down my hair. But I knew with my current issue, I had to do something drastic. Oh well, if it weighed my hair down. I wanted and needed to build my hair back up with good ingredients. This shampoo has ingredients like collagen, elastin, amino acids, and rice protein,  which when I did my research,  seemed to be key in growing hair.

So, here it is. I opted for this SUPER affordable Nexxus Keraphix shampoo. And it cost my a whopping $13.

I've used other Nexxus Shampoos before and I liked how light they felt and the way they smelled. This one has a very pleasant scent, as well. AND if you're like me and you're concerned about ingredients, this shampoo ranks a 5 on the EWG site. Meaning, that although it's not the most natural product, it's also not super laden with toxins, so I can feel ok about using it.

Well, let me tell you about how I use it. This shampoo, for whatever reason, doesn't lather super well. I would use one pump (I love having the pump, btw) and wash my hair. Then, I use a second pump and my hair would lather up SO nicely with that second wash! So, yes, I wash my hair twice with this shampoo. I've heard of doing this before, but never tried it before this shampoo. The first wash really gets rid of any buildup from my styling products I use like dry shampoo, heat shield, and hairspray. The second wash is what really cleanses the hair. This method of washing twice has worked very well for me. Sometimes, I won't wash twice, if I stayed home and didn't style my hair that day.

I have been using this shampoo for 5 months now and I am SO happy to tell you that I have a small patch of hair regrowing so beautifully where the bald spot once was! AND the absolute best part for me is that I am using the SAME bottle! That's right, I haven't even had to repurchase this shampoo yet because it's lasting me so long!
And I know you heard me say that I've been washing my hair TWICE, right?!

My hair just feels so long and strong now that I would absolutely recommend this product to others. I know that it's the reason my hair has grown back and keeps growing long. Now, I didn't purchase the condtioner because my hair doesn't tolerate any conditoner (too greasy). But, if you have thicker, more coarse hair, give the conditoner a try, too!

I'm not sure if every drugstore or big box store carries this particular shampoo, but I do know that Target has it.  I wish I could explain all of the science to you about why this shampoo has worked so well for me, but I can't. All I can do is say that it WORKED and I'm praising Jesus!

Hope this post was helpful to you in some way! And stop by once a week to catch up on any other Beauty posts that you may find helpful!

XO
D


Linked with Inspire Me Mondays

My Word for 2020.

If you read this post last year, then you may be wondering if I've chosen a new word for the year 2020.

And the answer is, YES. It only took me a month, but I've got it. :)

I think back to last year's word, and I see so many times where I had to rely on His strength and in doing so, God really did make me stronger. There was some tough stuff. Not earth-shattering,  but stuff that I had to learn the hard way.

I had to grow a thicker skin. I had to find an inner strength I thought I lost. I had to lean hard into my marriage, at times. I had to remind myself of God's promises. I had to make new committments. I had to work through painful memories. And through it all, God was good.

This year, I know exactly what it is that God is placing on my heart to work on. And that is Consistency.

I've started a great many things in my life, but honestly there have been few I've finished.  I'm an adventurer at heart and have all the great ideas. 😜

But, my follow-through is definitely lacking, if I'm being honest with myself. Point blank: I'm lazy and don't like it when things get hard. Usually as soon as there's pushback of any kind, I stop.

And the sad part about that is, I'm probably missing out on the greatest breakthrough when I stop dead in my tracks. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, I know that. But I allow my own self-doubt and negative self talk to get in my way.

My husband frequently says, "You just need to get out of your own head. Stop talking yourself out of it." And he's right. That's exactly what I do.

But this year, that's something I aim to quit doing. I want to push through and work through all the growing pains. I want to show up, every day, and take action in my life. Not just float by, going from thing to thing, without making a conscious decision about what I'm doing.

One of the things I want to work on is this. Writing.

Lord, willing you'll be seeing a lot more posts from me because my goal is to consistently write three times a week. And not just write, but write good, helpful content that I can feel good about.

I've wanted to write for years, and I'll never be a good writer if  I don't actually start and KEEP writing!

I hope that you'll pray for me, that I stay consistent in my daily life.  There are so many things I need to stay consistent at. My time with God, my parenting in a way that points to Christ, my health, making my marriage a priority, etc so I need lots of prayer!

What about you? Have you chosen a word for the year 2020? If so, why did you choose that word?

I would love to know!

XO
D

The EASIEST Turmeric Latte EVER!

**This post is not sponsored **

Have you ever heard of a "Golden Milk Latte"?

If you answered yes, you're probably seeing recipes for them all over Pinterest. If you answered no, then let me introduce you.

Essentially a "Golden Milk Latte" is just a warm turmeric tea that's been touted as an amazing, relaxing anti-inflammatory drink thats ideally enjoyed before bed. 

I got into the habit of drinking these a while back, but didn't keep it up when my life got busy. However,  I do still drink a cup of tea every night before bed. But, with all of the steps in my usual golden milk latte, it wasn't as easy as turning on my electric kettle and steeping a tea bag for a few minutes. 

You see, first I had to heat up my unsweetened almond milk in a small saucepan. Then, I would add my turmeric, black pepper, cinnamon and honey to a mug. Once my almond milk was heated, but not bubbling, I would pour it over my spices and honey. Stir and enjoy. Not super labor intensive,  but still a little more inconvenient. 

The other downside of this type of preperation was that the drink would usually taste "gritty" and a lot of turmeric would sink to the bottom of the cup. So I wasn't really sure if I was getting all of it's amazing benefits. 

If those few steps and gritty taste don't bother you, then by all means, keep enjoying your latte the way you have been. No need to read any further.

But, if this drink sounds like something you'd like to try, then please stick around. 

My dad knows how much of a tea lover I am, and he was so sweet to pick up some of my favorite brand of tea at our local store for me.

He bought a few different kinds and one of then was this Yogi Turmeric Honey Chai tea.

I couldn't wait to try it so I turned on my kettle and brewed myself a cup. The taste was so familiar and delicious. I knew I had stumbled upon something good!

I decided to add a little almond milk and BAM I had almost completely replicated the taste of the Golden Milk Latte I used to enjoy so often! The recipe and prep is so easy that anyone would enjoy a cup!

Here's how easy it is:

1 Yogi Honey Chai Turmeric tea bag

Hot Water

Almond milk to taste (Just a splash or two is perfect)

Honey or Stevia to taste

Place your tea bag in your favorite mug. Pour hot water over tea, leaving a little room on your mug for your almond milk. Steep your tea 2 minutes. Add almond milk and sweetener of choice. Enjoy!

And there you have it. A delicious,  Golden Milk Latte that has no grit and is easily prepped. You can enjoy this any time of day, but right before bed is my favorite. 

If you like my adorable mug that my kid's designed for me, you can purchase your own here.

I hope you enjoy this simple recipe as much as I have!

XO

D

Hyped up "Healthy" Beauty Products: Purchase or Pass? Part 1!

Natural & Healthy beauty seems to be alllll the rage lately, if you're in the beauty world.

It seems like DAILY new products are being launched! It's exciting for someone like me that LOVES health and beauty products, but it can also be overwhelming when you're frugal and only want to spend your money where you know you'll be getting a good-quality product. I for one always want to get the most bang for my buck!

So, I thought it would be fun if I took some time and reviewed a few for you guys and told you my honest thoughts on each of them.

Here are four that it seems like I've heard a TON about lately.

Charcoal Whitening Toothpaste
Cleansing Balms
Eye Masks
Gemstome- Infused Products

Clearly, this is not a list of all the new products out there being touted as amazing,  but just a few I was very eager to try.

After writing up a blog about just the first product,  I realized that these were going to have to be split up into different parts, because clearly, this girl has a lot to say! 😜

With that being said, let's first take a closer look at the Charcoal Whitening toothpaste that people are showing amazing before and after pictures with.

Here's the brand I purchased from Amazon. This particular brand had really good ingredients listed for a good price, so I decided to go with it. A lot of these toothpastes can cost you upwards of $20! Mine was just under $10.

Be forewarned,  this toothpaste is BLACK and it will turn your entire mouth black I if you use it! This didn't really bother me because, of course, it washes off. But I was careful not to get it on my clothes or on my sink.

The smell was pleasant and the texture wasn't too gritty for my taste. I loved the fact that it was made USA, too.

One thing I noticed was that this toothpaste felt quite abrasive on my teeth. Because of that, I only used it once a day (at night) at first, alternating with my regular toothpaste (in the morning). I have sensitive teeth and weak enamel, so I wanted to be careful with it.

After reading more online, I found that it's  actually a good idea to not overdo it with the charcoal toothpaste because it can be very abrasive.

Anyway, after using it for a few weeks faithfully, and almost finishing the entire tube, I honestly never noticed any difference in how my teeth looked. And my mouth didn't feel any cleaner after brushing with it, either.  I felt like I had to use more product to get that "minty fresh" feeling that I wanted.

It's probably not a product I would purchase again, mostly just because I wasn't  really able to see measurable results and it's pricier than my regular toothpaste. It's definitely like an "add on" product,  not really a "necessity". So for me, I guess it's a pass.

What about you? Have you guys tried a Charcoal toothpaste yet? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments!

Have a lovely day!

XO
D